Marriage Counseling: What Do Wives Really Want In A Husband? Part Two
|
In Part One, we looked at what wives really want in a husband and we identified two things in particular. Wives want a soulmate who they feel deeply connected to and they want emotional support and emotional intimacy. This means that they want a husband who will talk about his feelings and who values having an emotional connection.
So what's a husband who has neglected this important area of marriage to do? The first thing is to understand the necessity of emotional intimacy in a happy marriage. The second thing is to take action. The following steps are often presented in marriage counseling sessions and will help in making a beginning:
1. Set a time with your spouse when you can talk and process the day's events. Some days, you might only need ten or fifteen minutes to keep your emotional connection strong. On other days, you may have more to share and reflect on.
During this time with your spouse, make a real effort to share your feelings. When your wife talks, concentrate and listen to her. Listen to the feelings that are beneath the words she is saying. If you're not sure of something, check it out by asking a question.
So that you can give your spouse your full attention, turn off the TV, radio, and CD player during your time together. Take the phone off the hook and try to have uninterrupted time, if possible. Communicate by your words and your actions that you value this special time with your wife, and protect it from intrusions.
2. Push yourself past your comfort zone in making an effort to really share your feelings, problems, and concerns. I have known husbands who didn't share important happenings in their life because they didn't want to worry their wives. They didn't realize how left out and unnecessary their wife was going to feel when she found out later.
A common reaction is for a wife to feel that her husband doesn't really "need" her if he doesn't confide in her. Wives can feel very hurt and rejected when a husband doesn't share his feelings, challenges, hurts, and unresolved problems.
And if you bury your feelings of anger or resentment toward your wife about something that has happened, just because you feel uncomfortable having to express these feelings, you are setting the stage for bigger problems later on. If you're upset, state what you're feeling and why. Talk about the situation, look for a solution that's a win-win one for your marriage, and then let it go.
3. Watch your natural tendency to want to offer solutions prematurely when your wife brings up a decision she is wrestling with. Most men like to solve problems, and they also like to be helpful to their wives. So a husband's first reaction to hearing about a problem his wife is having is to want to offer a solution immediately.
This often irritates the wife, much to the surprise of the husband. His agenda is to solve the problem quickly and get it over with. Her agenda is to discuss the situation and process it with her husband. She doesn't necessarily want him to tell her what to do-she wants his listening ear. When a husband really understands this gender-based difference, he realizes that he doesn't have to feel pressure to solve his wife's problems. He just needs to listen and be supportive as she talks about them.
4. If you're experiencing continuing difficulty with expressing your feelings or handling negative emotions, consider working with a counselor to improve your skills. You might participate in some individual sessions as well as some joint marriage counseling sessions with your wife.
You might also experiment with writing your feelings in a notebook, working on capturing just the emotion you're feeling when situations occur. You could write a letter to your spouse stating your feelings if you're having difficulty expressing them verbally. Writing allows you to take your time and to be sure you're communicating exactly what you want to say in the best possible way.
5. Remember that most change occurs when you make a number of small steps in a new direction. You won't change overnight, but if you consistently keep trying to improve, your actions can have a significant impact on the quality of your marriage. And most wives don't expect their husband to change radically in a short time; they just want to see that he's at least making an effort to meet more of their emotional needs.
I have seen small actions on the part of a husband save a marriage. Wives want to know that their husbands care about them, that they value them, and that they want to be emotionally supportive. And they want to see the actions that accompany this: a real concern for their feelings, a desire to share intimate details of their life, and the motivation to connect daily on an emotional level.
Nancy J. Wasson, Ph.D., is co-author of the book Keep Your Marriage: What to Do When Your Spouse Says "I don't love you anymore!" This is available at http://www.KeepYourMarriage.com, where you can also sign up for the free weekly Keep Your Marriage Internet Magazine to get ideas and support for improving your marriage.
|
|
|
Choosing A Maui Wedding Photographer
You can rest assured that the charm of your Maui wedding will be captured in photos. This is because it is nearly impossible to photograph the island poorly.Any photographer who lives and works on any of the islands becomes skilled at capturing the magnificent sunsets, the beauty of the surrounding countryside, mo...(related: Marriage Wedding)
Wedding Loans In The Uk ? Saving Future From The Present Wedding Expenses
It is wrong if you thought that typical British weddings are starving of novel ideas. In fact, there is a glut of ideas, and each idea sounds as enthralling as the previous ones. The only glitch then is of finance. Had weddings been the be-all and end-all of life, not an iota of concern would have been put on the expenses. It isn't though. Wedding marks the onset of a new life for the married couple. Rash expenses at this stage of life are only going to make things worse in the future.However, it is difficult to stop oneself from spending on a momentous occasion as wedding. Perceiving the difficulty that borrowers face in arranging finance for weddings, loan providers in the UK have now come up with wedding loans. A wedding loan is a specialised loan service that aims to cater to the b...(related: Marriage Wedding)
Fitness Tips For Looking Your Best On Your Wedding Day
Every bride wants to look perfect on her wedding day. Selecting a dress that will make you look and feel great is an important first step. But what happens when you look in the mirror and ...(related: Marriage Wedding)
Invitation Anatomy 101 - Optional Components - Part 2 Of 3
Hopefully, you've read my prerequisite lesson "Invitation Anatomy 101 ? Typical Components". If not, I would highly recommend reviewing that article first. Now that you've been introduced to the main components of the most common invitation style/format, have a read of some of the Additional or Optional items you may want to add to your invitation.Here's the breakdown of my Invitation Anatomy 101 into two lessons: Typical Components and Optional (or Additional Components). The latter I'll describe here (in no particular order): Optional (or Additional Components): 1) Reception Card
- Often for weddings or events where the ceremony/formal event and reception are not at the same place, an additional card may be required to inform guests of the name and address of the reception hall.
- This card ...(related: Marriage Wedding)
Bridal Jewelry: Fulfilling A Wedding Tradition
'Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue.' This is a saying that many brides take to heart when considering their wedding trousseau. From wedding gowns, accessories and motifs,...(related: Marriage Wedding)
All The Details: 25 Ways To Make Your Wedding A Unique And Truly Memorable Event
If you've been to one wedding, you've seen it all. From the flowers and the candles to the dress and the music, the typical wedding can be as predictable and generic as your Uncle Leo's dance moves. For your wedding to stand out, you need to involve your guests in the sentiment and process of the day. It's not the cake or the great food that will be remembered, but all the little details that will make your wedding as unique and memorable for your guests as it will be for you. These 25 ideas on how to personalize your day will make it the event that will be talked ab...(related: Marriage Wedding)
Wedding Save The Date Cards?best Ideas And Wording
The sole purpose of save-the-date cards is to give the people you intend to invite to your wedding plenty of advance notice. If, for example, you are planning to marry during the holiday season or a holiday weekend, you'll want your guests to reserve you wedding date on their calendars months in advance. If you will be inviting guest from out of town who will need to fly in for the wedding, they will need time to make...(related: Marriage Wedding)
Minor But Important Duties For Your Wedding Party, Bridesmaids, And Groomsmen
Your wedding party is a major factor in the success of your wedding day. Too many couples assume that once they've selected their brides maids and grooms men that they are finished. Unfortunately, many people don't know what it means to be in a bri...(related: Marriage Wedding)
Tips For Choosing The Right Wedding
The job of choosing the right wedding cake style is the responsibility of both the future bride and groom. The style of cake you'll choose will largely depend on the wedding theme and the size of the wedding.You'll want to be sure your cake is large enough for all attending guests to receive a piece. If you're having a super large wedding you can always have two cakes. In fact, a new trend is for there to be a bride cake and a grooms cake.It can actually be quite a fun event where you can let a little bit of creativity flow. The solution to a "no stress" cake selection is simply knowing what you need and doing your research before hand. The informati...(related: Marriage Wedding)
How To Keep Hope Alive During A Marriage Crisis
During a marriage crisis, you can feel like your whole world is falling apart and all of your dreams are being shattered. Hearing the words "I don't love you anymore," "I want a divorce," or "I don't know if I want to stay married" can leave you reeling from the shock.Many feelings surface after the initial stunned reaction: anger, fear, anxiety, confusion, resentment, bitterness, desperation, and depression. Everything seems mixed up and slightly unreal, as though this is really happening to someone else, not to you. But, unbelievably, it is happening to you.This is when you have to use every ounce of courage and strength that you possess and a lot that you didn't know you had until now. Immediately,...(related: Marriage Wedding)
site-map - Copyright © 2006 | Contact Webmaster | Weddings & Honeymoons | All Rights Reserved. | Marriage Wedding