How A Marriage Counseling Secret Can Save Your Marriage
|
How do you react if your spouse announces "I want a divorce" or something similar? With shock? Surprise? Outrage?
If these are your reactions, you've got plenty of company. Thousands of spouses each year have this same experience. Many surprised partners in this situation begin to grill their unhappy mate with questions like "What in the #%& do you mean you want a divorce? After all I've done for you!"
Unfortunately, this approach doesn't make the dissatisfied spouse change her (or his) mind. If anything, it makes them dig in their heels.
The key to keeping your marriage begins with a simple but misunderstood word: Acceptance.
What is acceptance? It means respecting and accepting your spouse's point of view, even when you don't fully understand it.
To help you understand how acceptance is important in stopping your divorce, let me share a story with you.
There was a tennis player on a college team whose coach had told her that her serve needed practice. But she refused to accept and act on the coach's feedback. Again, her coach implored her to work on her technique after she spiraled into a losing streak.
Clearly, her career on the court would be short-lived unless she took her coach's advice to heart. Finally after losing another match to an archrival in a tournament, the coach issued an ultimatum. The player would either have to do what it took to improve or leave the team.
This athlete finally came to accept what her problem was ? poor technique on her serves. Before that, she'd been unwilling to do the necessary work to enhance her performance. But once she had accepted the situation as it was, she was able to move forward and improve her game.
A marriage is much the same way. Sometimes one partner may ignore or minimize the feedback from the other for a time. This time may often stretch into years. And the frustration builds like pressure in a pressure cooker. Until finally a limit is passed and an ultimatum is issued. The offending spouse must change behavior or else the frustrated partner will leave the marriage.
At this point, a history of dissatisfaction has built up on the side of the spouse threatening to leave. Whether the surprised partner considers the reasons given to be valid or not doesn't alter the fact that the unhappiness exists.
The first thing you must do is accept the situation as a given. Acknowledge your spouse's unhappiness. This doesn't mean you have to agree with your mate's reasons. Nor does it necessarily mean accepting your partner at her word if she says that she's leaving.
It does mean that you need to accept the fact that your spouse is unhappy and has been unhappy for some time. If you can buy this description as fitting your situation, you've just made a positive step forward. Because you have to understand the dynamics of your present relationship before you can improve it.
It means that emotional communication between you and your spouse has been faulty and she (or he) believes that you haven't been meeting some of her basic needs. It means you need to accept your spouse's discontent if you want to positively influence the disastrous turn your marriage is taking.
Don't worry if you disagree with the reasons she gives you for being unhappy.
Whatever you do, don't fall into the trap of arguing or telling her she's wrong. Why? Because her perception is her reality and is the basis for her feelings and the decisions she makes.
So your first job is to understand and accept your spouse's perception of your relationship. Only then can you do something constructive to save your marriage.
Lee Hefner is the co-author of Keep Your Marriage: What to Do When Your Spouse Says "I don't love you anymore!" This e-book is available at http://www.KeepYourMarriage.com. You can also sign up for the free Keep Your Marriage Internet Magazine to get weekly ideas and support to help you save your marriage.
|
|
|
Hey, Where Do I Put My Speakers? Unique Venues Require Unique Djs
If your wedding or party is being held in a unique facility with specific acoustic issues (multiple rooms, indoor/outdoors, echo issue, broken up ceiling surface, in a tent, etc.) then you need to educate yourself. Normal placement of your DJ's speakers ? on speaker stands, may not be the correct thing to do for your given room layout. Your professional disc jockey should be able to offer you knowledgeable acoustic solutions to your needs.F...(related: Marriage Wedding)
Writing Your Wedding Vows The Way Poets Do
Let's face it, not many of us have the kind of skills or experience to write truly poetic wedding vows. Or do we? Here's the truth: Even if you don't know Dylan Thomas from Bob Dylan, and you're pretty sure T.S. Elliot was that guy who wrote the words to Andrew Lloyd Weber's &quo...(related: Marriage Wedding)
Maui Honeymoon Resorts
Each of the dozens of Maui honeymoon resorts can be considered a work of art. You are destined to discover a haven that presents everything you seek in the perfect vacation. Hawaii is one of the most popular honeymoon destinations in the world, which means a lot of expertise has gone into the design of Maui honeymoon packages.The oceanfront beaches, hazy mountaintops, and lush, green vegetation are the canvas and the stage of your Maui honeymoon vacation. The most highly-developed areas of the island continue to sparkle with nature's most alluring artifacts. This mysti...(related: Marriage Wedding)
Make Your Honeymoon An Everlasting Experience
Honeymoon is the most wonderful time of every couple's life. It is a time to move away from all the hustle and bustle and to relax in the arms of your partner in ...(related: Marriage Wedding)
Florida Honeymoon Vacations
Celebrate your marriage by planning a Florida honeymoon vacation with lots of pleasant surprises in store for you! This is because Florida is the host to plenty of popular honeymoon spots. Couples can enjoy one another's company with activities such as horseback riding on white sandy beaches, biking or walking a...(related: Marriage Wedding)
The Bridezilla Syndrome: Do You Have It? Ten Ways To Avoid All The Bs!
In a fast-paced world of wedding planning, stress levels are high; immune systems are low; and over the course of the past 20 years, brides have transmitted, what has become a bridal epidemic of our time.The number of victims has steadily increased; and to date, there is no cure. It's been dubbed various clinical names: Multiple Personality Disorder, Schizophrenia, Temporary Insanity. But ...(related: Marriage Wedding)
Planning Your Honeymoon -- 6 Tips To Help
The groom traditionally plans the honeymoon. However, most brides prefer to be in on the honeymoon plans so that they can prepare ahead too. Here are some things the two of you need to discuss when planning your honeymoon.
- The honeymoon budget: The groom usually pays for the honeymoon so it is important that you both know how much you can afford to spend. The budget will determine your choice of destination and the duration of your honeymoon.
- The honeymoon destination: Honeymoons are meant for relaxing, having fun and enjoying the beginning of a life together. Both ? the bride and the groom ? must be happy with the chosen destination. If your bride doesn't like the heat, going to Hawaii might not be such a great idea. Likewise, if mountains a...(related: Marriage Wedding)
Top 5 Reasons For Hiring A Wedding Planner
One of the most joyous occasions in life is a wedding, a time when two people in love exchange those powerful words, "I Do", which binds them legally as husband and wife. Although an exciting time of life, planning a wedding is also a very stressful time. For that reason, many people have discovered the benefits of hiring a professional coordinator to ensure everything comes together as it should. In this article, we are providing you with the top five reasons for hiring ...(related: Marriage Wedding)
Help Your Marriage Survive The Rough Spots
Every marriage has its ups and downs, its rough periods. Even in the best of circumstances, there are going to be difficult times.People change.Circumstances change.Emotions change.Over time, the natural ebb and flow of everyday life places incredible pressure on a relationship.Almost unnoticed at first, you begin to think thoughts that had once been unthinkable. "I love him, but I'm not in love with him. Not anymore." "I'm not attracted to her, not like I was in the beginning." "Maybe if we separated for awhile ..."The skies can darken in a hurry.But if you survive these darkest of times, you may find you emerge with a stronger, more trusting relationship than you ever imagined possible.Here are a few tips that might help you toward that goal ... Have a clear understanding...(related: Marriage Wedding)
Jewish Wedding Traditions - The Wedding Day In A Nutshell
Many of the Jewish wedding traditions are derived from ancient Jewish wedding customs dating back thousands of years.Orthodox Jewish weddings always include these customs. Conservative, Reform, and Reconstructionist Jews and others can gather meaningful Jewish Wedding traditions from these pages to incorporate into their wedding day.In traditional circles, both the bride and groom do not see each other for a week before the wedding. They then both fast on the wedding day, unless it falls on the da...(related: Marriage Wedding)
site-map - Copyright © 2006 | Contact Webmaster | Weddings & Honeymoons | All Rights Reserved. | Marriage Wedding