Control Issues That Cause Marriage Problems
|
Have you ever been irritated because your spouse does things differently than you do? Do you get upset if he or she has different opinions and makes different choices than you would? If so, you have bumped up against some of your own personal control issues and triggers in your marriage. Here are three important points to consider:
1. Fear underlies control issues.
Control issues cause problems in many marriages. The feelings you experience at those times can be very intense and may include rage at the other person. Most people feel more secure when others around them mirror their opinions, beliefs, and choices. Your safety needs and fears contribute to your wanting others to be just like you. The old adage, "There is safety in numbers," refers to this primitive fear of standing alone.
Also, many people feel more in control when they can predict the behavior of others and when others meet their expectations. Then they don't have to experience the discomfort of growing, changing, or stretching themselves. Instead, they can pretend that their world is logical, orderly, predictable, and safe.
2. Thinking your spouse should be just like you harms your marriage.
Your control issues are also triggered by viewing your spouse as an extension of yourself. This perception can result in trying to dictate which clothes your spouse wears, how she wears her hair, who she is friends with, what political views she holds, and what she can or cannot do. While your spouse may initially make some changes trying to keep the peace, you are creating a parent-child dynamic in your relationship that will eventually foster rebellion and resentment.
3. Using insults and name calling are attempts to regain control.
While nothing sinister is involved in many control issues in relationships, pathological behavior can be triggered in some instances. For example, a partner who is angry that the spouse did not follow his dictates could become physically and emotionally abusive. The partner may think he has the right to "punish" the other person. Name calling and derogatory put-downs, such as "What a stupid thing to do," are often used to re-establish control over the other person.
It's easy to point a finger at your spouse and to state that he or she needs to change. It's hard to face your own unresolved issues head-on and take responsibility for how you need to change. As you become more aware of control issues in your marriage, the starting place for change is always with yourself and your response to what is happening.
Nancy J. Wasson, Ph.D., is co-author of Keep Your Marriage: What to Do When Your Spouse Says "I don't love you anymore!" This is available as an e-book at http://www.KeepYourMarriage.com ,where you can also sign up for the free Keep Your Marriage Internet Magazine. Nancy can be contacted at Nancy@KeepYourMarriage.com.
|
|
|
Wedding Flowers And Arrangements?best Advice From The Experts
Now that you are planning your wedding, you've got to choose bouquets, boutonnieres, centerpieces, church arrangements, and a stunning corsage for one of the most important people who will attend the ceremony-your mother. Somehow, you'll have to make the arrangements for all this, and at a cost that will likely be between 10 and 15 percent of your overall wedding budget.If you're like most brides-to-be, just thinking about how to manage all of the details required to successfully deck-out the church, reception areas, and the wedding party with the perfect flowers is enough to make you dizzy. So our first word...(related: Marriage Wedding)
Wedding Planning: Clear Communication With Your Wedding Guests
Effective communication between you and your wedding guests is essential in the months leading up to your wedding. But in this stressful time, how can you maintain healthy relationships with your family and friends when you're flooded with questions and feeling in over your head?You know your wedding guests a...(related: Marriage Wedding)
To Stay Married, Keep Dating
One of my favorite memories from last year was not watching my young daughters rip into their Christmas presents, or seeing them perform in the school ta...(related: Marriage Wedding)
Beautiful Balloon Wedding Decorations
Need a quick idea to dress up a mediocre wedding? Balloon decorations are just what you need. These do-it-yourself ideas are not only low-cost but also lovely additions to a wedding ceremony or reception. Adding balloon decorations to your wedding is a smart way to be creative and save money.Balloon ArchThe balloon arch is a perfect way to add flair to your celebration. The easiest way to construct the piece is to get a pre-built wedding arch made of white metal. If a wedding arch is not available, you can build an arch using strong bendable metal wire. Just make sure it is sturdy enough to stand on its own.After positioning the arch, simply attach full balloons onto the arch using wire ties or string. Wrap the tie around the base of the balloon and then onto the arch. It is best to start at the ...(related: Marriage Wedding)
Improve Your Marriage With Better Communication
Communication plays one of the most important roles in any type of relationship whether a professional association or a more intimate bond such as marriage. Many of these relationships don't develop into their full potential because the communication link is missing or weak. If you're looking to save your marriage or connect with your marriage partner on a deeper level, the following advice may give you a new perspective that can help your marriage grow into the relationship you've always wanted.Feelings of disappointment are often caused because a person's desires or needs have not been openly expressed and therefore haven't been fulfilled. It is vital to share your thoughts and feelings with your spouse so that each partner i...(related: Marriage Wedding)
Why You Should Buy That Wedding Gift From The Gift Registry - Or, The Wedding Gifts From Hell!
When you come to choose a wedding gift it's no wonder that marrying couples issue a wedding gift registry. It's how to get exactly what you want; here are some true-life stories of the worst wedding gifts ever.A person was attending their cousins wedding and had not got around to buying a present, so she stopped at a drug store on the way to the wedding and bought some shower gel and deodorant. To finish it off she wrapped the gift up in a plastic bag! Needless to say she was horrified the following morning when all the family sat round and watched the bride and groom open up their presents.Lesson LearnedPlan ahead; buy the gift at least one month before the wedding. Never leave it to the last minute.How about the wedding where the mother of the bride gave the happy couples an IOU. Seriously! The m...(related: Marriage Wedding)
How Wives With Cheating Husbands Can Gain The Upper Hand
Too many wives with cheating husbands put up with their husband's infidelity because they feel they have no choice, or they don't know what else to do. If you're in a similar situation, don't despair. You have more power and control than you think.Don't Be a Helpless VictimYou don't have to suffer in silence or be a helpless victim. There are practical things you can do to make the best of a bad situation, and minimize the damage infidelity can cause. You can prepare yourself mentally and emotionally for what lies ahead. You can take steps to protect yourself sexually, legally and financially. Best of all, most of these things can be done quietly behind the scenes, without your husband's knowledge. And they will leave you feeling empowered, rather than victimized. In the l...(related: Marriage Wedding)
Making A Budget For Your Wedding
Just the thought of all the expenses that come with a wedding, can really put a damper on the most important day of your life, especially when you need to work within a financial frame of X dollars. To avoid the stress of facing too many decisions all at once, try making a budget for your wedding.Start out with an idea of what you have to spend. Keep in mind that you will have other expenses starting out on a new life together, and come to a mutual agreement of what kind of wedding to have. Then list the elements that your wedding will include, and decide that if it comes to a crunch, what items will take precedence over others.Things to consider when making a budget for your wedding, may include but...(related: Marriage Wedding)
Exciting Costa Rica Honeymoon Vacations
Couples experiencing their first Costa Rica honeymoon vacations are never dismayed. This scenic Central American nation is rich in nature and wildlife, with pristine oceanic coasts on two of its borders. The landscape and climate are so multifarious that one can drive through less than an hour of terrain and it will feel like an entirely new country.Unlike some of its neighbors, Costa Rica is a very politically stable country. "Pura vida" is a commonly uttered phrase, which roughly translates to "pure life" in English. This motto encompasses everything you will encounter during your Costa Rica honeymoon. To the locals (affectionately known as "ticos"), pura vida is a philosophy that is lived, but not so easily described.After agriculture, tourism is the largest industry in Costa Rica. The rainforest wildlife is some...(related: Marriage Wedding)
Subtle Danger Signals On The Domestic Front
If you've been around long enough, you're aware of the many things that can play havoc with domestic peace, ev...(related: Marriage Wedding)
site-map - Copyright © 2006 | Contact Webmaster | Weddings & Honeymoons | All Rights Reserved. | Marriage Wedding