Attracting Marital Fulfillment, Its Not To Late To Start Right Now
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As a personal and professional development coach, I have listened to scores of unhappy marital stories from clients. It is not my intention to pose as a marriage counselor nor therapist, as I am neither. However, via my previous experience as a crisis counselor, and as a partner in an intercultural marriage with its own unique characteristics, I have built up a store of helpful tips, some of which I share with you below.
"To those who choose to marry with love, knowledge and commitment"
is the dedication line in a very important book in my life. This is one of the pre-marital workbooks I used to assess to what extent my husband and I were compatible for marriage. It offers information and questions that help couples examine their attitudes and expectations for married life. Difference in expectations is a common cause of marital discord, and the most unfortunate part is that these expectations are often not discussed prior to making wedding vows. After all, before tying the knot, couples are in that magical state of euphoria and seeming invincibility. "Love conquers all" is the ubiquitous message in popular music and movies. Admittedly, the pedantic, almost arduous activity of talking through pages and pages of questions in preparation for marriage can be a bit daunting. Yet taking the time to do so is guaranteed to save the potential bride and groom time and heartache. Afterward finishing the process, some couples may find out what they may fear most, that they need more time to decide if they are ready to commit their lives to one another. It's better to learn this before the knot is tied. Of course, there is no guarantee that after having gone through a pre-marital question and answer process that a marriage will be trouble-free. However, you will have gained invaluable insight into crucial areas that can make or break-up a marriage, and you will be better prepared to handle issues as they come up.
Whether you're planning to wed or are already wed / in a committed relationship, and would like more fulfillment, using a pre-marital workbook to help you and your partner explore issues is a sensible idea.
The dedication line above is from the book Getting Ready for Marriage Workbook: How to Really Get to Know the Person You're Going to Marry, by Jerry D. Hardin and Dianne C. Sloan, Thomas Nelson Publishers, ©1992. There are other books out there that have similar purposes, this happens to be the one I know best since I've used it in my own marriage. This book does a fairly thorough job of covering the issues, such as:
emotional love
behavioral patterns
family backgrounds
communication
friendship love
time management
perceptions
listening
commitment love
attitudes
household management
financial management
expectations
honesty
covenants to one another
conflict resolution
priorities
anger
ghosts that each partner brings into the marriage
religious beliefs
sexuality
child planning/rearing
lifestyles
Some of these topics may be awkward, yet the book does the job of broaching them for you. The discussion process can be fun, even romantic if you let it be so. And, face it, whether you choose to deal with these issues before or after you walk down the aisle, they will be dealt with in one way or another. For those who have already tied the knot, it's not too late to discuss these issues on an as-needed basis. One thing I like about this book is its covenants - promises that partners make to one another, complete with signature lines. Those signatures serve as a standing record of your mutual honor and commitment.
Do you have questions about the pre-marital/post-marital discussion process? Contact me at mailAThersheywier.com (substitute @ for AT)
Copyright 2005, Hershey Wier
Hershey Wier, BS Education, MBA, is a Career & Self-Development Specialist specializing in holistic, creative approaches to career and life transitions. Visit http://www.HersheyWier.com
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